Controlling Desire

There has been a bit written lately about monogamy vs non monogamy, and whether a person can be happy, or is happy. As I was writing a post reflection on my sexual growth over the last twenty years, some of what I read caused me to think a bit more about my previous attitudes about relationships.

When I was younger I thought of sex very simply, not knowing much about the female body, I knew a little more about mine, just rub here and wait five minutes was about the extent of it.  I was blissfully unaware that the all powerful sexual desire would sometimes trump my better judgment.

I think back to why did I get married ? For several reasons I am sure some are familiar with, to please my mom, to have a convenient lay, and to move out of the town I was living at the time. Living in a repressed town with little opportunity causes one to want to move to greener pastures.

I did what my mother expected settling for what was comfortable, what was easy. My ex wife and I lived together for a few years before we got married. Marriage is about control, the church wants to control your life saying this is the only way to have a relationship, happy or not. Society expects you to get married so you will have a life together with someone. I believed the big lie, get married and you will magically live happily ever after.

Maturing through our relationship, my ex wife and I found that our needs were different, that we had diverging wants for “our future”. Instead of reading the writing on the wall we gave it the ol Dr Phil try to make our marriage work. It didnt happen, neither one of us could fulfill what the other wanted.

In my relationship with Georgia we have an electricity between us that keeps charging each day. It takes us to new levels, providing us the spark to keep the love lines open and surging through with energy.

Sex between us has served at times as a way to break through our insecurities, knocking down the walls that are barriers to trust and honesty. As I think now about my growth wondering why I wasn’t aware that such a level of comfort and happiness could be attained.

Getting past expectations and taking risks in life leads to many new discoveries, treasures waiting to be enjoyed and shared are hidden out there. Just because the trail your on now seems comfortable or safe, doesn’t mean its the only path to choose.

Jay

Currently

On my mind right now…

Me: Sitting in my office chair, cross legged, sipping a dram of whiskey, black slacks, white button down shirt, sleeves rolled back a bit, imperial style shoes buffed to a high shine. Contemplatively tapping a slim cane on the edge of the desk.

Her: on her knees, wearing a black thong, her hands tied behind her back to the edge of the wooden desk, shirt ripped to expose her puffing breasts. Her mouth is covered by the black scarf I had her purchase today. Her eyes anxiously fixed on the cane rising up and down softly on the desk.