Bondage Strengthens The Bonds

Sex Outside The Bed

“Kink” is a term that includes, but is not limited to, the following: swinging, exhibitionism, bdsm, voyeurism, cross-dressing, fetishist, or specialist; it is a term that means different things to many different people, but for simplicity lets just say it means sex other than missionary, or girl on top with the lights out. “Kink” can mean anything from trying every position in the Kama Sutra in every room of your home, to 24/7 Master/slave relationship, with two pet ponies, and a puppy that sleeps at the foot of your bed every night.

In a relationship that has just started, or has been going on three kids and ten years, spicing up the sex life is usually what gets neglected on the relationship to-do list. We have obligations that we must fulfill in life which causes us to enjoy our comfortable safe environment, or our upbringing causes us to to hesitate or feel embarrassed just talking about sex.

Gettin’ Your Freak On

No matter if you are male or female, straight, gay, queer or transgendered, feeling inhibited expressing yourself is typical. But there are ways to bring up what you are thinking in a non-threatening way. Certainly you can make a point to talk about it when you have a silent sweet kiss together, a comfortable car ride, or seductive chatter during missionary sex. The important thing to remember is providing a comfortable environment in which to talk to your lover.

Talking about your desires is never the most easy thing for us to do.  If you need to grab a favorite bottle of wine or beer, loosening up our inhibitions is a good catalyst for sexy conversation. We all have suffered at some point in our life sexual embarrassment and shame , we want to move past that, not relive it. Dressing seductively, caressing or massaging your partner is a way to put them at ease and bring out their sexual desires. Remember if the moment hasn’t happened, then take the initiative to make the moment happen.

What Do We Do Now

A couple of ways to spice up the libido without incurring any financial expense, is take the scarves or neck ties you might have, and use those to bind hands or blindfold your partner. Take the time to provide a little role playing. Does danger excite you ? Well tell your partner what your limits might be ? Give them a framework of rules to go with and see what happens.

Use caution,no matter what you might try,  especially before you try anal sex for the first time. Expect the unexpected, laugh about what you are doing, and creating a comfortable space for us to communicate is essential. Use common sense precaution if your desire is to swing, or stretch before trying that rope suspension you have been aching to do. Use the internet to investigate, you might even get turned on just by reading about such activities. Just remember do it together !

After Care

When you experience something kinky, it may be a light spanking, a bit of role play, or perhaps something as simple as blindfolds and a scarf to tie hands to the headboard. After any of these activities, emotionally you have gone through a change, a change that affects you and your partner.

To get the most out of your experience take time to cuddle, have a favorite blanket, outfit, or meal ready to go after. Make sure to provide a safe comforting space for post play adjustment.

We take the time to notice the little things, the breathing, the eyes flickering, eyebrows furrowed, each of these movements communicates something that your partner responds too. The connection and trust that is developed during these times of sexual play will provide two people with the trust to communicate with each other for the better. But remember sex is just a part of the whole,  relationships take work, and must take advantage of every positive activity, from good nutrition, staying physically fit, to taking a moment to just say I love you, all are nutrients for the soil of our relationships.

The gold nugget of trust that you will have mined from the shafts of kinky passion will increase in value as the years go by. Elevating your relationship to higher levels that give us a better understanding and maturity to handle the other aspects of our lives with our partner.

Communicating through this process is the key, yes its hard to cast of the embarrassment that society has put upon us sexually. Freeing yourself from these restrictive chains will give you, your partner, a greater insight into yourself, carrying with you a beacon of light for others.

~Jay Morgan

Landlord Friendly Hard Points

I have always wanted to tie Georgia above our bed, with her just out of reach, while I lay beneath her, teasing her ever so mercilessly. But we have been hesitant as our house is a rental and really didnt want to damage it in anyway. But the founder of the local fetish group is an owner of many houses and apartments, so he gave us some pointers.

So we finally answered our question; how do we put hard points in our bedroom that wont cause the landlord to go batshit crazy ?

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert in any way, shape, or form, the story below is for entertainment purposes only. Any inspiration derived from this article is at your own risk.

Excluding the hammer and nail, here are the tools I used below. The eye bolts are 5/8 by 4 inches long, I used a 3/8 drill bit to drill the pilot holes.

Most of this is common knowledge but I am not really a handyman type person; sure I used to help people build shit but never really paid much attention to what they did. I was busy prattling on about the shitty injustice of the situation I was having to endure.

Find in your bedroom, or whichever room you want to install the hard points, then go upstairs in the attic.

If your house has a pull down ladder access to it then it is extremely easy to get into the attic space. If not then find some way to get up there. Alternatively if you might be flush with cash from the track, then you can go to the local hardware store, they got all kinds of technical gizmos and all that will help you locate the boards running across the ceiling.

I went up into the attic, pretty damn hot so be prepared to sweat. Warning: there is probably fiberglass insulation in the attic. Its always best to wear a mask of some type over your mouth, and something for your eyes. Fiberglass is itchy, you dont want to breathe it in, and you dont want it in your eyes. There are other types of insulation, this is just what I have to deal with.

In the photo below you will see the insulation, the exposed rafters and floor joists. Tread carefully and make your way to the area you are wanting to install the hard point. I have the area I went to circled below. Be cautious of wires, cables and the like as you make your way to your destination. The area where I am going to is circled below.

Find your location where you want to install the hard point and remove the fiberglass so you can expose the dry wall and the board running atop your ceiling. You will see I have done this in the photo below. I had a hammer to tap on the drywall, Georgia could hear where I was and said I was in a good spot.

In the photo below you will see the fiberglass moved away from the board exposing the drywall for me to hammer the nail into. Hammering the nail into the drywall will mark in the ceiling where to drill the guide hole for the eye bolt.

I was in the correct spot, with the correct tools, my next step was to hammer the dang nail through the drywall. I placed the nail as close to the joist as I could.Then hammer the nail through.

I went down to the bedroom to see where there nail was pointing through. Georgia and I discussed if it was in a good place, we agreed it was; then decided where to put the next one.

I went back up to the attic to repeat the process.  Once we had the nails in place to identify where to insert the eye bolts.

The next step was to get the drill and the 3/8 in drill bit. I drilled a hole through the drywall into the joists, feeling the dust from the hole fall down we knew we were in the correct place.

Once the pilot holes were drilled I installed eyebolts. I inserted the eye bolts, turning them first with my hand then using a pair of pliers to sink them the rest of the way.

So when we move, it is only a matter of unscrewing the eye bolts, applying a bit of drywall compound or the like into the hole. Voila, no no hole, landlord doesnt notice.

We tested for security, we could both hang on them. Put our tools away, then had a drink to enjoy our handiwork. Then get ready for some evening suspension fun 🙂

Enjoy !

~JM