Birds & The Bees Response

Our Rope-Idol, Graydancer, was entertaining the topic of sex education, aka ‘the birds and the bees’ that prompted this response from me:

I have an 11 year old daughter (going on 23) who just underwent the per-requisite ‘birds and bees day’ at school. She brought home the form, and giggled, and said ‘do I really have to do this? I already know all this stuff!”

I’m an RN, and she is my 3rd trip down the hormonal hell-train that is puberty, she’s been very educated about her body and we’ve started talking about sex (in a sex-positive way, of course!) She came home from ‘V-Day’ (Vagina Day) at school with a little package containing a pamphlet for her and one for me (on how/what to talk to my daughter about puberty) 2 pads, and a mini Secret deodorant. I started looking through the booklets, and it was like Nickelodeon and Disney combined to vomit all over the traditional material! So very upbeat about the whole ordeal! They went into a lot of detail about every, and I do mean EVERY possible symptom of puberty onset.
That all sounds pretty good, right? But as I kept reading there was NO mention of sex at all. Lots of info about pubescent changes (and the boys got the same deal in a separate room, of course), but NOTHING about masturbation/sex (although she did ask me about wet dreams…lol). The funny/tragic thing about the whole deal was they still talked about sex that day. On the playground at lunchtime, my daughter said the boys and girls compared booklets in their little cliques. (one of the boys apparently asked how he would know if he had an erection, and the teachers response was ‘it will be staring right back at you’…lol…the one-eyed-wonder-worm strikes again!) She says no one offered ‘show and tell’, but the majority of the conversation that was relayed to me was about how the two genders fit together in a sexual context. I answered all of her questions she garnered from her lunchtime schoolyard quorum, which she promptly ran to the computer to send off messages to her little pals to clarify their confusion as well. Since then, Ive kind of turned into the impromptu Dr. Ruth for her and her 6th grade pals! I figure as a nurse, at least I’m making sure they have accurate info (instead of the usual fallacies that are circulated at that age) but I was sad that even after revamping the whole ‘sex-ed day’ at school, they STILL are not covering safe sex, or sex at all for that matter. So I cant speak for anyone else, but I am spreading sex-positive education in our neck of the woods! lol

I ask myself as I sit here, why is the general consensus society-wide that sex is bad and should not be discussed? If you enjoy sex, in any of its many, many flavors, why wouldn’t you want to make sure your child enjoys something that is such an integral part of successful relationships? Certainly there should be some small constraint as to when a child is emotionally/physically mature enough to handle the content of such education.  But if we teach our children how to be kind and generous, manage money, take care of themselves physically, and drive a car, as well as a zillion other lessons taught by example every day, why shouldn’t they learn that amazing joy and fulfillment can be had and shared? Why DON’T we want our children to feel good?

I think society as a whole should get over their own discomfort about talking about sex, and quit leaving their children’s sex education to the internet and gossip circles at school. After all, everyone knows those are VERY credible sources of information.

Thanks for listening to my rant…you can read Gray’s original article here

xo

G

Bondage Strengthens The Bonds

Sex Outside The Bed

“Kink” is a term that includes, but is not limited to, the following: swinging, exhibitionism, bdsm, voyeurism, cross-dressing, fetishist, or specialist; it is a term that means different things to many different people, but for simplicity lets just say it means sex other than missionary, or girl on top with the lights out. “Kink” can mean anything from trying every position in the Kama Sutra in every room of your home, to 24/7 Master/slave relationship, with two pet ponies, and a puppy that sleeps at the foot of your bed every night.

In a relationship that has just started, or has been going on three kids and ten years, spicing up the sex life is usually what gets neglected on the relationship to-do list. We have obligations that we must fulfill in life which causes us to enjoy our comfortable safe environment, or our upbringing causes us to to hesitate or feel embarrassed just talking about sex.

Gettin’ Your Freak On

No matter if you are male or female, straight, gay, queer or transgendered, feeling inhibited expressing yourself is typical. But there are ways to bring up what you are thinking in a non-threatening way. Certainly you can make a point to talk about it when you have a silent sweet kiss together, a comfortable car ride, or seductive chatter during missionary sex. The important thing to remember is providing a comfortable environment in which to talk to your lover.

Talking about your desires is never the most easy thing for us to do.  If you need to grab a favorite bottle of wine or beer, loosening up our inhibitions is a good catalyst for sexy conversation. We all have suffered at some point in our life sexual embarrassment and shame , we want to move past that, not relive it. Dressing seductively, caressing or massaging your partner is a way to put them at ease and bring out their sexual desires. Remember if the moment hasn’t happened, then take the initiative to make the moment happen.

What Do We Do Now

A couple of ways to spice up the libido without incurring any financial expense, is take the scarves or neck ties you might have, and use those to bind hands or blindfold your partner. Take the time to provide a little role playing. Does danger excite you ? Well tell your partner what your limits might be ? Give them a framework of rules to go with and see what happens.

Use caution,no matter what you might try,  especially before you try anal sex for the first time. Expect the unexpected, laugh about what you are doing, and creating a comfortable space for us to communicate is essential. Use common sense precaution if your desire is to swing, or stretch before trying that rope suspension you have been aching to do. Use the internet to investigate, you might even get turned on just by reading about such activities. Just remember do it together !

After Care

When you experience something kinky, it may be a light spanking, a bit of role play, or perhaps something as simple as blindfolds and a scarf to tie hands to the headboard. After any of these activities, emotionally you have gone through a change, a change that affects you and your partner.

To get the most out of your experience take time to cuddle, have a favorite blanket, outfit, or meal ready to go after. Make sure to provide a safe comforting space for post play adjustment.

We take the time to notice the little things, the breathing, the eyes flickering, eyebrows furrowed, each of these movements communicates something that your partner responds too. The connection and trust that is developed during these times of sexual play will provide two people with the trust to communicate with each other for the better. But remember sex is just a part of the whole,  relationships take work, and must take advantage of every positive activity, from good nutrition, staying physically fit, to taking a moment to just say I love you, all are nutrients for the soil of our relationships.

The gold nugget of trust that you will have mined from the shafts of kinky passion will increase in value as the years go by. Elevating your relationship to higher levels that give us a better understanding and maturity to handle the other aspects of our lives with our partner.

Communicating through this process is the key, yes its hard to cast of the embarrassment that society has put upon us sexually. Freeing yourself from these restrictive chains will give you, your partner, a greater insight into yourself, carrying with you a beacon of light for others.

~Jay Morgan

From The Bottom View

Jay has mentioned our weekend o’ rigging…so I thought I would add some of the practical knowledge we gained.  It was definitely everything he described sensually, emotionally and physically, and then some. I could ramble on for a couple of pages about how much closer I feel to him after the experiences of the weekend. But I thought I would touch on what we learned in our adventures.

First, if your not in very good shape (and even if you are), I highly advocate stretching pre- and post-. I am 38 y/o and weigh between 135 and 140 lbs and have been fairly athletic my whole life.  I have had surgery (cervical fusion) on my neck, and my spine in general is not nearly as bendy as it was 15 years ago.

So we have had much discussion about how best to suspend me without hurting me, since we are fairly determined to become semi-proficient riggers/rope sluts.   I was amazed to find what would be a comfortable position just laying there was not the case in suspension.  For example, Jay had me suspended by hips/waist, knees and chest harness, with my feet dangling at 90 degrees.  Initially it was fine, but after about five minutes, my knees started aching, a problem that was alleviated when he place a tie around my ankle and looped it through the rig, supporting it.  The same was true of my hips.  The compression of the rope when the majority of my weight was on the rope (kind of like a swing) was fine initially, but by the time I was let down (about 30 minutes I think, but my sense of time was somewhat skewed at that point), I was feeling the ache.

So the pre- and post- stretching is definitely something I will continue with in the future.  Loosening up joints and tendons, warming up the flexibility of the spine, loosening up the hands, knees and other distal attachment points, and of course, preparing your core for the stress of the suspension are a must.  I also think it gives you, as the person being tied up, a few minutes of quiet to focus on your body, and your partner, get in tune, and prepare physically, emotionally and spiritually, for this type of play.

The other thing I found interesting had to do with how tight the rope has to be tied.  That may sound silly, but as a nurse, I am acutely conscious of the potential for injury, and would kill to go to one of Sophia Sky’s classes in Seattle, WA about the anatomy of bondage.  Jay and I communicate constantly any time he ties/suspends me.  Primarily its part of the learning process of the emerging rigger; but additionally, its a safety issue with regard to cutting off circulation to a limb, compressing a nerve bundle, or causing muscle spasm from an accidentally  misplaced knot.  As bizarre as this sounds, having the rope tied as tightly as possible to your hips/chest initially (before your ever off the ground), without cutting of blood supply or lung expansion room, actually makes it so much easier when your off the ground.  There is less slippage on your body (read ‘rope burn’) and less potential for accidental injury when the rope moves from its intended position.

Also, we will be doing some research about the best harnesses for suspension.  There seems to be lots of reference about what is called ‘grounded rope bondage’ from amazing riggers and rope-experts, most of whom we have links to on our sidebar (Twisted Monk and Graydancer being our favorites). We have also learned a considerable number of ties, harnesses and pretty finishing knots from the Knotty Boys videos. But as to actual suspension harnesses, we continue to search.  We have a friend that is sort of ‘mentoring’ us in this area, but he admits to not having a ready subject to practice on/scene with, so he hasn’t done a lot of suspension either. But let me tell you this, the harnesses that look sexy and sensuous on the body are NOT designed for suspension.  Jay initially tried a harness that looped around my neck, with double coin knots down the center of my body at regular intervals, ran the rope between my legs (see aforementioned rope slippage injury potential) and then laced up around my waist from the back. It was intricate, and pretty and I loved the way it felt on the ground.  When he ran the rope from various points on the harness up the the rig, the pressure on my sacrum and the ligaments on my inner thighs was almost immediate pain (and not the good kind!) So any advice on good suspension harnesses, please forward to us straight away!  We watch all the video we can search on the net, watching how different pro-riggers get their subjects off the ground, but are always grateful for practical, hands-on knowledge/experience.

With all of that, would you believe we had an amazing time, and cant wait to do it again?

xo

G

Landlord Friendly Hard Points

I have always wanted to tie Georgia above our bed, with her just out of reach, while I lay beneath her, teasing her ever so mercilessly. But we have been hesitant as our house is a rental and really didnt want to damage it in anyway. But the founder of the local fetish group is an owner of many houses and apartments, so he gave us some pointers.

So we finally answered our question; how do we put hard points in our bedroom that wont cause the landlord to go batshit crazy ?

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert in any way, shape, or form, the story below is for entertainment purposes only. Any inspiration derived from this article is at your own risk.

Excluding the hammer and nail, here are the tools I used below. The eye bolts are 5/8 by 4 inches long, I used a 3/8 drill bit to drill the pilot holes.

Most of this is common knowledge but I am not really a handyman type person; sure I used to help people build shit but never really paid much attention to what they did. I was busy prattling on about the shitty injustice of the situation I was having to endure.

Find in your bedroom, or whichever room you want to install the hard points, then go upstairs in the attic.

If your house has a pull down ladder access to it then it is extremely easy to get into the attic space. If not then find some way to get up there. Alternatively if you might be flush with cash from the track, then you can go to the local hardware store, they got all kinds of technical gizmos and all that will help you locate the boards running across the ceiling.

I went up into the attic, pretty damn hot so be prepared to sweat. Warning: there is probably fiberglass insulation in the attic. Its always best to wear a mask of some type over your mouth, and something for your eyes. Fiberglass is itchy, you dont want to breathe it in, and you dont want it in your eyes. There are other types of insulation, this is just what I have to deal with.

In the photo below you will see the insulation, the exposed rafters and floor joists. Tread carefully and make your way to the area you are wanting to install the hard point. I have the area I went to circled below. Be cautious of wires, cables and the like as you make your way to your destination. The area where I am going to is circled below.

Find your location where you want to install the hard point and remove the fiberglass so you can expose the dry wall and the board running atop your ceiling. You will see I have done this in the photo below. I had a hammer to tap on the drywall, Georgia could hear where I was and said I was in a good spot.

In the photo below you will see the fiberglass moved away from the board exposing the drywall for me to hammer the nail into. Hammering the nail into the drywall will mark in the ceiling where to drill the guide hole for the eye bolt.

I was in the correct spot, with the correct tools, my next step was to hammer the dang nail through the drywall. I placed the nail as close to the joist as I could.Then hammer the nail through.

I went down to the bedroom to see where there nail was pointing through. Georgia and I discussed if it was in a good place, we agreed it was; then decided where to put the next one.

I went back up to the attic to repeat the process.  Once we had the nails in place to identify where to insert the eye bolts.

The next step was to get the drill and the 3/8 in drill bit. I drilled a hole through the drywall into the joists, feeling the dust from the hole fall down we knew we were in the correct place.

Once the pilot holes were drilled I installed eyebolts. I inserted the eye bolts, turning them first with my hand then using a pair of pliers to sink them the rest of the way.

So when we move, it is only a matter of unscrewing the eye bolts, applying a bit of drywall compound or the like into the hole. Voila, no no hole, landlord doesnt notice.

We tested for security, we could both hang on them. Put our tools away, then had a drink to enjoy our handiwork. Then get ready for some evening suspension fun 🙂

Enjoy !

~JM

The Female Orgasm

Jay and I had a discussion the other day regarding a couple of articles we had read about the infamous G Spot (see previous post). Being a medical professional, I have had opportunity to learn things about the human body that blow my mind, amaze and astound me.  The human genitals, whether male of female come in various shapes and sizes but with similar bundles of nerves that give us the unparalleled pleasure, relaxation, endorphin rush high that is the ‘Big O’. Just like penises come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, widths, lengths, colors, and sensitivity, so does the vagina, labia and clitoris.  Large lips, small clits, tight vaginas are all variations on the same genital organ, and generally speaking (with the exception of genetic malformations) do nothing to impair the functunality of the nerve endings given the proper stimulation.  The same holds true about the G spot.  According to Wiki, the G spot, or ‘Grafenberg Spot’ is:

“a term used to describe the bean-shaped[1] area of the vagina that many women report to contain an erogenous zone which when stimulated can lead to high levels of sexual arousal and powerful orgasms.[2] It is typically located one to three inches up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vagina opening and the urethra.”

The great debate is of its existence. If you ask any woman that has had the unparalleled pleasure of a G-spot orgasm, the answer to that question is a resounding ‘DUH! YES!!!’.  So my question is, if some women do have them, and some women don’t, does that indicate that those that do are having amazing delusions? Or perhaps, its that the ‘bean shaped area’ can be larger or smaller (thus easier/harder to find and stimulate), much like the variations on the rest of the genitalia?   One article I recently read included a study done in Europe in which a sample of women were taken that claimed to have orgasm from intercourse alone and a sample of women that couldn’t.  They performed ultrasounds on the anterior wall of the vagina in all these women, and those that had found the G-spot had a significantly increased thickness on the anterior wall of the vagina, while those that hadn’t had the pleasure, had significantly thinner anterior wall. If you operate on that premise, (that we all have one, just some are bigger than others) it is more a question of sheer determination to find said heavenly spot.

Also, take into consideration that a vast majority of women have never taken a good look at their vagina, much less touching it in an exploratory fashion. Studies would indicate up to 70% of women have never had an orgasm from intercourse alone (no clitoral stimulation), and up to 15% have never had an orgasm at all (TRAGIC). You have to be comfortable enough with your body and sexuality to figure out what feels good to you, first and foremost.  If out of shame, discomfort, public education or the enforced viewpoints of your parents, you are hesitant to look, much less touch your vagina, then you are going to be even less comfortable with instructing your partner on how to stimulate the desired area. The lack of education about basic sex in our society is deplorable to me, especially since it will ultimately rob millions of women of one of life’s easiest and greatest pleasures. Education is provided to our youth about structure and function, and prevention of disease/pregnancy, but the basic sex act/pleasurable side of sex is rarely addressed (publicly or in the home).  Our young adults are therefore doomed to get their impractical sex education from network television or free internet porn instead. This lack of education could also be impairing women from recognizing the difference between a clitoral orgasm vs the deeper vaginal/cervical orgasm to be achieved by an attentive partner during actual intercourse.

I dont know that its been specifically said that I am bi-sexual or not, but in my exploration of the female body, here is what I have to offer in the way of a guide to finding it for yourself.  When a woman is sexually aroused, her genital area becomes engorged, or swollen, with increased blood flow to the area.  This increased blood flow allows for the natural lubrication a woman’s body provides to facilitate sex.  It also causes some mild swelling, thus exposing more of this nerve-infested area for stimulation.  So with your partner, or by yourself (porn is a wonderful accessory here), when your body is in a state of arousal, carefully insert 2 fingers part way into the vagina, and curl your finger up toward the pelvic bone (symphesis pubis) in a kind of ‘come hither’ hook.  Gently feel around in this area until you find a rough, knot-like bump.  Once you find that, gently stimulate it with varying pressures and strokes.  If you are successful, YOU WILL KNOW.  It is not uncommon for women to feel like they are peeing or to forcefully ejaculate (although many do not) or to take up to 20 minutes of stimulation to experience this type of mind-blowing ecstasy. Once you know what your feeling, you can try stimulating during intercourse. Positions that are useful (at least for me) are doggy-style/standing bent over at the waste with him from behind, and reverse-cowgirl all will hit my button, so to speak. Here are a few more recommended by the ‘sexperts’.

I hope this helps someone find their G-spot. I find the female orgasm to be a beautiful, amazing and powerful thing, and love figuring out how to make someones legs quiver uncontrollably and fill the room with the most delicious moans.  To find that special place…to bring that kind of pleasure and joy….*sigh…its just  an awe-inspiring thing.  I found this site ( ifeelmyself.com ) in my travels, and was turned on and awed at the same time.  It gives the female orgasm beauty and is (to me at least) erotic art in motion.  I hope you enjoy it as I did…have to go jump Jay now…make him watch it too…lol

Peace

G

BTW…Here are more statistics about sex and the human body than you can shake a stick at for anyone that is intersted :)B

Sex As A Tool

Why would a couple hold sex for ransom? Pondering this today and reflecting back on a similar situation I was in before I was with G. Sex was a tool, primarily of extortion. Bribing a spouse by asking for a house chore, or participating in some event, to me, is a symptom of the overall sickness of the relationship already.

Sex is one of the pillars of a relationship, along with selflessness, communication, and honesty. All four compliment one another and too little of one or a combination of all three will forever disrupt a couples true rhythm.

In the end its all about taking a leap of faith in someone. Trust is built from the aforementioned parts. Sex of a kinky nature requires that a foundation must be built to enable a remarkably enjoyable experience.

Talking with G about tangibles relating to sex, we have primarily one rule we try to live by. Its based on the fact that we both want to give pleasure too, and enjoy seeing the other receive pleasure and in the end be happy. We remind each other, “not without me”  as long as we adventure on the kinky road together. It has made those bumps easier to absorb.

Not to say that we dont understand that work lives have a place and there will inevitably be times of one of us being acquainted with another person in a work setting, but that is going to happen. We both understand that those types of issues are not threats and we talk and laugh about them. Guessing how vanilla their lives may be, or how cold they might be during sex.

My previous life was a life where sex was negotiated, a “necessary evil” as it were. There were other aspects of the relationship that were problematic, but early on I should have realized. I thought maybe we would grow together as it were and things would change, but alas, it never happened.

However currently, we are very sex positive, it helps us navigate the more stressful parts of our lives. Knowing we have that between us to chase away the howling wolves is what keeps us going through the night and looking forward to being old together, me chasing her around the kitchen still feisty and flashing that super sexy smile.

~JM

Jumping Into Fantasy Land

Often times when we are intertwining our bodies and feeling our skins pressed together we tell each other things that we fantasize about. Often they are never the same, our fantasies seem to vary at times. Going from thinking about another girl or couple joining us, various states of bondage,to having sex in front of a large group of people.

Neither of us are really threatened by the things we hear each other say, and seem to agree that what is said in bed is not necessarily what wants in real life. Just the logistics of having a three way are not minor blips that make for great fucking. There are bodies, smells, attitudes, images that all get in the way of that magic fantasy.

But fantasy can become reality. Two people committed to each other can make it happen, it takes a lot of work, trust, and time. Though some couples I am sure are easier than others. Myself and Georgia, it has taken a couple of years to even get to the point of being comfortable of inviting someone else to share our sex life. Aside from the predictable fantasy of two girls on one guy, its taken us some time to get into the kinkier side of ourself. I for one would never have thought in my lifetime I would really like tying someone up and then having sex.

Having the trust in someone is capital to great sex life in general. However opening up and taking a risk on that trust will bring both partners new adventures and excitement into their sex life. After understanding what gives you and your partner pleasure, you can then talk about such activity, and the next thing you know you might find yourself having sex in public, or just taking that first trip to the sex store.

JH