Forced Consent

In the BDSM world the slogan Safe Sane and Consensual is slapped to our collective bumper sticker. We are reminded of it in the same way our mothers reminded us of the golden rule, or to eat your veggies.I began thinking about the last word in those four dripping words, consensual.

Consensual, as the adjective in the aforementioned sentence, means to enter in to mutual agreement with another person. An important principal in BDSM, especially at public play events, or getting to know some new kinksters, this rule is adhered to; providing all a safe way to say no, the other party accepts the no without argument or concern. Continue reading

Rope Pride Flag

I remember first seeing a gay pride flag in a antiquated bohemian tourist trap in Arkansas. It seemed most every business had it either waving in front of their business or in sticker form on their door. I never really paid too much attention to their significance, all cultures of whatever variety have some sort of icon to easily identify with others of a similar mind. From the Grateful Dead’s “Stealie” to the Jolly Roger; there has to be an insignia of some sort for whatever fringe culture might be out there. Which is why I like seeing the Rope Pride Flag.

To me the point in this particular debate that is reinforced is that all good ideas evolve; a discussion like this will inspire something special in someone without them even realizing it. Much like playing music, riffing and grooving til you find the magic passage of chords.

There has been a great deal of discussion about it on Graydancers blog. I like the simplicity of the first design, which is very cool, but this latest version really shines. The rope bondage community, like all ad hoc groups, has no design committee to decide what sort of flag rope lovers must fly, its an egalitarian choice made by the individuals who make up the community.

Jay

If Your Not Hetero Your Against Us

You might have heard in the news of a video called Collateral Murder, a video testimony of the uselessness of war shown to the world by the organization Wikileaks. The person who provided that video was a young US Army Specialist by the name of Bradley Manning. You can read background about the story here, here, and here.

Though the media will largely ignore this heroic effort by this young man, the picture they will paint will be that of a solitary, angry man. Already there are allegations that the guy is a “pre transgendered male” who was upset at the dont ask dont tell policy, the media will stoke the homophobic fears of Americans. Painting the young man in a negative light, instead of applauding and standing up for what this kid did.

As if being gay, bi, or transgendered were more of a crime than projecting unwarranted violence on a distant people. For when they mention Mr Manning, with his “stylish upswept hair” or any individual in the media having non hetero tendencies it is usually implied as to “what” type of sex they prefer, not “with” whom they prefer. The Supreme Court nominee Kagan underwent much the same sort of smear when she was first introduced.

Large media outlets today serve as marketing tools for whatever corporate umbrella they would be under. Take this story from Violet Blue, the hidden agenda behind some anti porn groups; or the marketing driven news supplements that play on emotion to jump start sales.

For in this day and age of Corporate Media, sexual acceptance comes down to two factors, on the one hand you need to display along with big tits, a virginal purity, acting whimsical and submissive; or if you are not violently destroying something then fucking it brutally, you are a sodden wimp who deserves to be pushed around.

~Jay

Comfort Levels

Being a sexual explorative couple, part of our recreational time is spent having something to do with sexual activity. Either rope work, writing, communicating stories, surmising sexually about various peoples we see, or attend semi adventurous parties.

As any couple we have certain desires and requirements that must be met if we want to get to know someone beyond the length of a flogger.

G and I are not superficial, we are not perfect, we do not expect perfection in others; our simple criteria is a positive disposition. Having an open non-boastful attitude or being gracious is what will put us at ease. Being comfortable with someone leads to better communication which leads to honesty which then results in everyone having a good time.

For example there is a guy who ties Georgia, while teaching me the ropes, pun intended. He has a gentle disposition, tolerant of questions, and generally non-threatening.  A hell of a nice guy who needs a nice submissive in his life, but thats another story. G and I have a certain degree of trust with him. She trusts him when he ties her, she enjoys it, and they have a very sweet connection.

Its not always like this. A couple of weeks ago, G and I went to meet a person who might have be a candidate for some photos, kind of help him expand his portfolio, and maybe help us with some decent photos. There was a problem though, the gentleman was a bit hung up on his own bravado. He had photography he shared, he used lighting well, but they were merely blonde wanna-be models posed in vicky’s lingerie.

To digress a moment, G and I are very comfortable with talking about sex frankly. Yes she is attractive, she is fun to be around, we both are. But we are together, as a couple we play, as a couple we share everything. This concept never seemed to occur to this guy.

Which after a first meeting wouldn’t have been all that bad except for his not engaging me. He seemed only interested in Georgia, cornering her one-on-one while I was distracted with someone else. Then had the audacity to actually ask me if I wanted to be involved. I looked at G quizzically, making sure I heard correctly¬† and said sarcastically, ‘no I will just stay home and twiddle my thumbs.’

It also demonstrates its not all about physical attractiveness, but the difference is persona, your disposition. Seeing that G and I are a unit together, dealing with us together is the best way to start any relationship that contains the sexual dynamic, either photographer or rigger.

If I am tying up someone besides G and she has a boyfriend then I include him as much as her. For him its more erotic than it is to me, I do my best to put him at ease to allow them both to communicate and enjoy the experience. Yes, photographing or tying someone for whatever purpose you are going to be near the private lady or man parts, but it doesn’t mean in the end you want to have sex with them.

~JM

Poser Women

I dont often pay heed to the anti porn/sex crowd, kind of similar to an angry homeless women shouting at her grocery cart you cross the street to avoid. You know shes more of a harm to herself than anyone else, but you still want to keep your distance.

While this group had a conference making the best use of its time speaking about degenerate men in basements. I was looking for them to say something about the corporate exploitation of its teen age demographic ? Or how bout taking on Cosmopolitan magazine ? I first grew hard over naked boobs in Cosmo magazine, or is it ok to for them to do it since they trowel on the makeup of self serving stylish aesthetic.

I noticed too that they are against violence, but I guess its ok as long as the women the violence is done to look different from them.

You can find out more about the anti porn conference hysteria listening to Kink On Tap’s latest show.

~JM

Sexual Evolution

Am amused by the way my tastes in women have changed over the years. In my youth I was pretty inexperienced, selfish, and not very confident. As I have matured; becoming more comfortable with my sexual preferences, I now interact with the opposite sex in an entirely different way, even men to a certain extent. It goes beyond physical beauty with another being, you want to know the person, discover their personality, or lack of one.

Sex negative teaching led me to believe that a male reaches his sexual peak at 18, why this has been perpetuated is mystifying. I am capable of the same amount of sex as I was at 18, perhaps even more. I think back to the lack of sex education, and perhaps its lack of exposure that has led to a later sexual awakening than others, or perhaps not.

Either way, its a satisfying evolution.

JM

Notes Of Wisdom Accrued

Life is a series of events that sometimes collude together providing experience a chance to meet opportunity. Growing up an introverted hippie type I was awkward with women, (understatement) and really didn’t score that much. No kink for me, the only really “adventurous” girlfriend would occasionally have semi public sex in a car somewhere, but that was about it. Aye though, having vise like grip on me she did teach how to properly appreciate a female body, her mind, and all the soft delightful skin from head to toe, but that’s another story.

The last couple of years with Georgia has been a rapturous sexual awakening for me, exploring various kinks or fantasies. enjoying the merriment, avoiding the not so merry. Georgia is a bit more, or was, experienced in exploring her more exhibitionist side, it took me a while to really getting to explore my kinkier side, getting passed the superficial elements of ones body or even sexual congress. I found that my tastes drifted towards the kinkier side, adding elements besides people, or just sex toys. Then trying to find persons who also share your same open minded attitude towards sex and sexual attraction.

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