Bondage Strengthens The Bonds

Sex Outside The Bed

“Kink” is a term that includes, but is not limited to, the following: swinging, exhibitionism, bdsm, voyeurism, cross-dressing, fetishist, or specialist; it is a term that means different things to many different people, but for simplicity lets just say it means sex other than missionary, or girl on top with the lights out. “Kink” can mean anything from trying every position in the Kama Sutra in every room of your home, to 24/7 Master/slave relationship, with two pet ponies, and a puppy that sleeps at the foot of your bed every night.

In a relationship that has just started, or has been going on three kids and ten years, spicing up the sex life is usually what gets neglected on the relationship to-do list. We have obligations that we must fulfill in life which causes us to enjoy our comfortable safe environment, or our upbringing causes us to to hesitate or feel embarrassed just talking about sex.

Gettin’ Your Freak On

No matter if you are male or female, straight, gay, queer or transgendered, feeling inhibited expressing yourself is typical. But there are ways to bring up what you are thinking in a non-threatening way. Certainly you can make a point to talk about it when you have a silent sweet kiss together, a comfortable car ride, or seductive chatter during missionary sex. The important thing to remember is providing a comfortable environment in which to talk to your lover.

Talking about your desires is never the most easy thing for us to do.  If you need to grab a favorite bottle of wine or beer, loosening up our inhibitions is a good catalyst for sexy conversation. We all have suffered at some point in our life sexual embarrassment and shame , we want to move past that, not relive it. Dressing seductively, caressing or massaging your partner is a way to put them at ease and bring out their sexual desires. Remember if the moment hasn’t happened, then take the initiative to make the moment happen.

What Do We Do Now

A couple of ways to spice up the libido without incurring any financial expense, is take the scarves or neck ties you might have, and use those to bind hands or blindfold your partner. Take the time to provide a little role playing. Does danger excite you ? Well tell your partner what your limits might be ? Give them a framework of rules to go with and see what happens.

Use caution,no matter what you might try,  especially before you try anal sex for the first time. Expect the unexpected, laugh about what you are doing, and creating a comfortable space for us to communicate is essential. Use common sense precaution if your desire is to swing, or stretch before trying that rope suspension you have been aching to do. Use the internet to investigate, you might even get turned on just by reading about such activities. Just remember do it together !

After Care

When you experience something kinky, it may be a light spanking, a bit of role play, or perhaps something as simple as blindfolds and a scarf to tie hands to the headboard. After any of these activities, emotionally you have gone through a change, a change that affects you and your partner.

To get the most out of your experience take time to cuddle, have a favorite blanket, outfit, or meal ready to go after. Make sure to provide a safe comforting space for post play adjustment.

We take the time to notice the little things, the breathing, the eyes flickering, eyebrows furrowed, each of these movements communicates something that your partner responds too. The connection and trust that is developed during these times of sexual play will provide two people with the trust to communicate with each other for the better. But remember sex is just a part of the whole,  relationships take work, and must take advantage of every positive activity, from good nutrition, staying physically fit, to taking a moment to just say I love you, all are nutrients for the soil of our relationships.

The gold nugget of trust that you will have mined from the shafts of kinky passion will increase in value as the years go by. Elevating your relationship to higher levels that give us a better understanding and maturity to handle the other aspects of our lives with our partner.

Communicating through this process is the key, yes its hard to cast of the embarrassment that society has put upon us sexually. Freeing yourself from these restrictive chains will give you, your partner, a greater insight into yourself, carrying with you a beacon of light for others.

~Jay Morgan

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