Sex As A Tool

Why would a couple hold sex for ransom? Pondering this today and reflecting back on a similar situation I was in before I was with G. Sex was a tool, primarily of extortion. Bribing a spouse by asking for a house chore, or participating in some event, to me, is a symptom of the overall sickness of the relationship already.

Sex is one of the pillars of a relationship, along with selflessness, communication, and honesty. All four compliment one another and too little of one or a combination of all three will forever disrupt a couples true rhythm.

In the end its all about taking a leap of faith in someone. Trust is built from the aforementioned parts. Sex of a kinky nature requires that a foundation must be built to enable a remarkably enjoyable experience.

Talking with G about tangibles relating to sex, we have primarily one rule we try to live by. Its based on the fact that we both want to give pleasure too, and enjoy seeing the other receive pleasure and in the end be happy. We remind each other, “not without me”  as long as we adventure on the kinky road together. It has made those bumps easier to absorb.

Not to say that we dont understand that work lives have a place and there will inevitably be times of one of us being acquainted with another person in a work setting, but that is going to happen. We both understand that those types of issues are not threats and we talk and laugh about them. Guessing how vanilla their lives may be, or how cold they might be during sex.

My previous life was a life where sex was negotiated, a “necessary evil” as it were. There were other aspects of the relationship that were problematic, but early on I should have realized. I thought maybe we would grow together as it were and things would change, but alas, it never happened.

However currently, we are very sex positive, it helps us navigate the more stressful parts of our lives. Knowing we have that between us to chase away the howling wolves is what keeps us going through the night and looking forward to being old together, me chasing her around the kitchen still feisty and flashing that super sexy smile.

~JM

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